The other night, when they heard me say we were adopting, someone made some comments that really threw me. She said that they had some friends that adopted internationally and it was such a great experience (not the part that upset me). What hit me was when she said that if we weren't chosen again that we should try that because then there was pretty much no chance that the family would come back and take the child! I told her that we were not concerned about that and she looked shocked. Then she asked me if I was worried that my child would one day tell me that they wanted to go live with their real family. No, because we would be their real family!
I found myself having to explain myself over and over lately. People are very anti-open adoption. I really think it is because the just don't understand how it works and how much more healthy it is. I start off by telling them that when we began this process, we were just like them. We wanted a closed or semi-open adoption. We were fine with sending pictures and updates but we really weren't open to the idea of visits and really getting to know the birth mom. But then that changed. I read about other moms who decided open adoption was the best for their children and the birth mom and I started to see how special and how amazing that relationship could be. I saw that my child wouldn't have to wonder about their story, we could just ask. He or she would know from the beginning that their birth mom loved them so much that she allowed us to be his or her parents. That we wanted them so much that we searched and found the perfect child for us. I REFUSE for this adoption to be a dirty little secret. I want my child to be proud to be adopted. Proud that their birth mom made a brave choice to set up a plan when she knew it wasn't possible for her to raise a child. And I want my child to know that we didn't just get pregnant, we searched and searched until all the pieces came together and brought us to each other. That we were meant to be.
Will our adoption story be exactly like others we have seen? Probably not. Will it always be an easy road in an open adoption? Probably not, but we can try. I really want the birth mom to feel like an member of our extended family. She will have given us the greatest gift that would could never repay. She will be in my heart forever, because she will be the one who makes it possible for me to be called MOM.
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