Nothing....

I think the thought of no situations is worse than presenting and not being chosen sometimes. We have only seen two situations this whole month.  It is so frustrating when all around me everyone is getting matched and we aren't seeing anything!  I try to be happy for other people but I begin to wonder why we aren't seeing anything? Why are we not getting chosen? What is wrong with us?

Still Waiting

So, I was so wrong when I thought this would be a quick process. I guess I was tricked by the fact that everything else went so quickly. Application to consultant, super quick. Home study process, less than two weeks. Waiting to be matched, three months now but feels like forever.  I have some hope that even though it might take awhile, it will happen.  I just wish I knew when.
We applied for a matching grant last week. It is kind of a neat idea. If we get approved to do it, they will give us a number of what they will give us, then we send out letters to friends and family asking them to help us out. Up to that certain number, whatever we raise will be matched by the grant people. I really hope that our friends and family will help us with this.
We also applied to a new agency yesterday. We are trying to help ourselves to get more situations.  This one is in Utah so that would be interesting. Hope it will make a difference!

UPDATE...the agency in Utah was a bust. Even though they saw situations for our budget, they were requiring us to have a budget $3,000 higher. We just couldn't do that so I guess we are stuck with what we have for now.

This is definitely the craziest roller coaster ride ever!

Wow, I was not very prepared for the emotional mess that the adoption process would bring out of me.  I am always an emotional person, but boy oh boy, this has made it far worse.  How can I not get excited at the possibility of finally having a baby in our home?  It is really hard when everyone around you is telling you not to get invested each time you present.  I don't really know how to be that way.  I know I can and do give the situation to God, but I still need to plan how things will go if it does work out.  There are lots of plans to make about meeting the expectant mom and being there for the birth.  It really doesn't matter what situation it is, I will be planning.  I can't help but dream about life with our baby in our lives.  How will things go, what will he look like?  There is no way around that.
In the meantime, I am trying to keep busy.  I have been making all sorts of things for the nursery.  Curtains, changing pad covers, arm savers, and changers for the diaper bag.  I am really enjoying it.  Had to take a little break from the projects to make sure to clean the house and do laundry, but today is project day!  I needed to be busy this week.  Keeps me from thinking about the situation we are presenting to on Friday.  Another boy (funny that we have really only seen boys, lol). 
So, I just hope our friends and family can just be excited with us.  I know that some want to keep neutral so they don't upset me when things go bad, but that isn't what I want.  I want people to be excited and optimistic when we present and then you can be sad with me when we aren't chosen or ecstatic with us when we are!  Just be there for us through this process.

Presenting AGAIN?!?

So, we definitely had a rough weekend, but we stayed busy and made it through.  I told Barry that I really needed a situation to come in today to help me move on from that no.  Two hours later, we had another good situation to look at.  Within a few minutes of going over everything, we knew that if all our questions were answered the way we thought they would be, we would be ready to present to another expectant mommy.  Turns out this one is with the agency that we joined already and the cost is a little less that the other so we would be able to use some for travel expenses too.  Plus they already have our profile and home study so that should save us some time and hopefully put us toward the top of the stack.  So, now we wait again.....

Just Another No...

So, after all the running around and waiting, we found out our answer was no.  Friday was an awesome day to start out with.  I went and got my nails done and then went and picked up a huge box of baby boy clothes that someone was selling for $60 (probably worth over $200).  I got home and then started getting ready for work.  Before this waiting period, I looked forward to the beep of my cell phone telling me that I had an email.  Not anymore.  We wanted a phone call this time with the news we had been hoping for.
But that call never came.  Instead an email with the news telling us that she had chosen someone from the first group of profiles.  At that point, a million questions go through your head...were we not good enough?  why didn't she like us?  did she even see our profile?  I called Barry with the sad news and then had to go to work.  The excitement that I had been feeling was not just a pit in my stomach.  My boss asked if I needed to go home.  NO, that would not be a good idea.  Sit at home with the box of cute baby clothes I just bought?  Sit there and think about what might have been?  Nope, I needed to have a busy night at work to keep my mind off of that baby boy.  But I made it and am doing much better now.

The Waiting Game

So, that perfect situation from the previous post, not so impossible after all.  We had pretty much given up on it all weekend.  So sad, since it seemed perfect for us.  Saturday morning we had gotten an email saying that they had enough profiles.  We were out.
Monday morning we woke up to a message from our consultant saying that if the other lady had said we were in the second group to be presented to the mom, then we should get our profile sent in right away.  We also finally got the answers to our questions.  So we over nighted the profile and home study to the birth mother and her social worker.  We talked with the bank and upped the loan to cover all of the expenses.  And now the hardest part of all.......we wait.  We wait to see if this young woman decides to allow us to parent her little boy.  We know that there are others waiting for the same thing.  That makes me sad.  Now, where I once was excited to get an email in hopes it is the next situation, I cringe every time for fear that it is the dreaded no. 
I remind myself daily that whatever is meant to be will be.  But that is hard to believe all the time.  I know that God has the perfect child for us out there somewhere.  If it is this beautiful little man, we are excited to see him and bring him home to make him ours.  If it is another beautiful child waiting for us, that is great too.  Just hoping that the wait isn't too long either way.

Perfect Baby That Wasn't

So, yesterday we found out about a beautiful baby boy that we fell in love with the moment we saw him.  He was born in December and his name started with a B, all signs to us that it was "meant to be."  The only hurdle was that the monies needed were quite a bit higher than we had budgeted.  But we knew that for the right baby we could pay more than our budget; we would make it happen.  But we had questions, and no one to answer them.  The other agency answered some but we were waiting to hear answers to our main questions still.  We contacted our lender to see what we could do about raising the amount on our loan.  We were waiting on a reply from them and then we could send off our profile to be seen by the birth mom.  The other agency had sent a letter saying that she had some profiles already, but that we could be in the second batch. 
So anyway, I got up this morning to an email from our consultant saying that they already had enough profiles.  How in the heck did they get enough profiles in the 12 hours since I got the information?  Maybe they are all right there near where the baby was born?  No one gave us any other options of delivery other than mailing it overnight.  I am baffled about how this works I guess. 
Our consultant tells us that the first couple situations are to help us see how things work.  But what if one of those situations that she sees as "practice" is the right one?  This was the first situation that I saw being right for us.  I am left feeling a little said and rejected.   We didn't receive the help we thought we would.